Unlocking the Core Four: The Keys to Lifelong Success

Matt: 00:00:31

Welcome back to the Live well podcast. I'm Matt Wilson.

If you listen to episode one, you'll remember that we talked about what it really means to live well, not just mentally, but emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Today, we're digging into the four things that you need to learn in order to be successful in life. What I refer to as the core four.

So we're going to dive a little deeper into these. And I believe at the heart of every transition, every challenge, every breakthrough are usually these things, or maybe one of them.

But maybe all four of these things somebody had to employ. So maybe we haven't learned, or most people haven't learned all of them, and few have mastered them. So let's break them down a little bit more.

And the first of the core four is we need to know how to give. So it seems obvious, but talk about ripping off the band Aid. I mean, this can be very controversial.

It could be very sensitive, and especially if you start talking about giving financially, you know, charitable giving is extremely personal. You know, what are your interests? What are your passions?

And that's the first thing that people think about when they think about giving is they think about money. But it can be so much more than that. Are you generous with your time? Are you generous with your talent?

Is there something in your life that you can contribute? Maybe it's at church, maybe it's at school, but there's some sort of need.

And maybe, just maybe, you need to figure out how to give of your talent, give of your time. Americans get the formula backwards. The formula that God prescribes is very simple. It's give first, it's save second, and it's spend the rest.

It's really that simple. What I would call maybe reverse budgeting. If you are giving and if you're saving, then maybe. Or giving and you're saving.

Spending the rest really isn't that big of a deal, you know. You know, what you have left. Unfortunately, people get it backwards and they spend.

And then they say, well, of course I'm gonna save if I can at the end of it. And then give. Wait a minute. I'm the one that's supposed to receive. You know, we kind of talked about that the first episode here.

I want to talk a little bit briefly about giving. And maybe there's a charity or maybe there's something in your life that you would love to make a difference in or on or whatever it is.

And I'll give you some examples of some folks that I worked with, some clients on just to make sure, that they felt like their purpose was being met and that they had made a difference in those things that they were interested in. But I want to go back to, you know, many years ago, I had struggled with the idea of just giving financially.

And I remember I was getting ready to write a check to our. Our church. And I was standing there at the counter.

And I've told this story to folks through the years, but I remember I was getting ready to write that check, and I said, boy, I don't think I can do this. I just didn't make enough this month. And I was sitting there, and I heard that still small voice. And he says, matt, do you trust me? And I said, yeah.

Yeah, I do. Well, I want to. And I heard it again. He says, do you trust me?

And I just thought for a minute and I said, you know, maybe this isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things, but it feels like a lot to me. And, you know, I just remember standing there and kind of going through it in my own mind.

And I heard him say, I heard the good Lord say to me, you know, I own everything, and if you're my son, then that means you own everything, too. Do you trust me? And I just remember standing there, I just was having this little conversation, and I said, no, I want to. So I wrote the check.

And I just remember I just had this feeling of I didn't really have it to give, but I gave it. And I can tell you that after some time, I never struggled to have enough.

The rest of that year, I had more than I started with, and I gave faithfully each month. And I don't say that for any other reason than to say, I don't think he wanted my money.

I think that the good Lord wanted my heart, and he wanted to make sure that he knew that I knew that it was just more about finances at that point. And, you know, sometime later, I was reading the story about. I think in the scripture, I was talking about Peter.

And anyway, I don't want to get it all confused, but I do remember that he told them to go get. Go fishing. And in a fish's mouth would be a coin. And really, where did that coin come from? It probably came from the sewer or the septic system.

I mean, it probably just got in there that way. Maybe it was just thrown overboard with other. Other stuff or other trash. I don't know.

But in my mind it was, hey, you know, good Lord can do more with your money. If you throw it down the toilet, then you know you can. And that's kind of the idea that I came away with. And, you know, it's really a mindset.

And we talked about that in the first episode where it really is just more of a. The way we think about our finances. And then, you know, obviously we got to get the formula right and give whatever that means to you.

Save, obviously, I would say automatically. So if you do that, then you know what the rest is that you're dealing with.

And so if you don't have that room in your budget, then I would say, hey, look, let's evaluate the budget. And in a previous minute with Matt, Money minute with Matt, we talked about budgeting and how that can help you.

So I would just say that maybe it's a mindset, but maybe it's just not about your finances at all. Maybe it's your time, maybe it's your talent, whatever it could be. What does that mean to you? So I digress.

Maybe it's giving of your time and your attention to your kids. When your phone is buzzing, how many times have we said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hang on a minute. But your kids need you.

Maybe somebody else was tugging at your shirt string and they needed you. Were you able to put down what was in front of you and give of your time and give your attention to that person who is needing it?

Maybe it's encouragement. Maybe it's forgiveness. Maybe it's just your presence when the world falls short.

For some people, I think really what the key is when it comes to giving is it's really about giving up control. And if you give up the control, you'll be amazed at what happens.

You know, those opportunities that come your way just because you were willing to give that moment or willing to take that phone call or willing to spend time with that friend who needed it. Imagine how life would change if people decided to just give more. And again, not just financially, but maybe that applies to you as well.

So we had a client one time who really loved a specific charity, and they would get income and they would put it into their account, and then they would spend it down. They would give larger chunks. And I talked to talk to this person, and basically what we came up with was we said, is your money working for you?

So what we did in that situation is we took the larger balance, and instead of just spending it down, we invested it into things that paid income and paid dividends, and we used the income that came off of that principle, and we would give a set amount every year to that specific charity or that specific institution that they were really passionate about.

So they were able to take care of their own needs, they were able to preserve what they had principally, and yet they were able to make that money work for them. So maybe that's you. And again, you know, I would just encourage you that everybody's different. Everybody's purpose is different.

Your financial plan should be as well. So I'm more than willing to sit down and meet with you and talk with you about what's important to you and what your purpose is.

And maybe we need to sit down and form a plan to figure out, okay, how can we make this money work for you and make sure that what's important to you is actually addressed. So I would just encourage you, go to mattwilsonfinancial.com you can schedule an appointment with me and talk to me there.

The second of the core four is knowing how to receive. So most people think, hey, look, I'm supposed to receive in life.

But so many people, they turn away the opportunity for somebody to be a blessing to them. It requires vulnerability. It requires you letting go of your pride to say, yeah, you know what, I could use that. Or, you know what?

I could use a hand. Some of you might be listening to this going, are you crazy? I would love it for somebody to offer help, and I would be glad to take it.

But there's a lot of folks that just don't. And they don't take compliments well either. They don't like people being generous with them. Receiving is like a muscle. You have to exercise it.

Too many people brush off compliments. They downplay gifts and they refuse help when. When it's being offered. They don't want to be a burden.

But the big truth about it is when you do refuse to receive that, you rob that person of being of the opportunity, of giving. You matter, your needs matter. And people who care about you want to support you. Do you let them? Do you let people into your life?

Or are you so close guarded that nobody's ever going to get in? I've had a client say to me in the past, you know, I really just need to determine who I want to let into our world. And that's a very guarded way.

If you are working with an advisor or a coach, they need to understand where you're coming from. You need to let them in. You need to let somebody be able to help you in the right way. And how can they help you if you're not able to be vulnerable?

So I would just encourage you that receiving isn't just about receiving financial gifts. It's about being vulnerable enough so that people are able to support you in the way that you need it.

Somebody once said that what a world it would be if we focused on the needs of others in our own character. Yet too often people focus on their own needs and everybody else's character.

Imagine what a world it would be if everybody just decided, you know what, I'm just going to look on the needs of others and what this world would look like.

And so too many people, they just, they're not vulnerable enough, and they don't look on the needs of others, and they don't look at being able to receive help or receive support as a necessary part of that whole structure. So I would just encourage you with that. The third of the core four is to say is to know when to say no.

The third of the Core 4 is to know when to when to say no. So this is where things get real. Saying no is probably the most important skill that we have. But here's the catch. It doesn't always feel heroic.

Sometimes it feels like failure. Sometimes it says, hey, look, we're disappointing somebody. That's what your brain says.

But in reality, every time you say no to something, you're saying yes to something. You're not saying no necessarily to everything.

You're just saying no to something that might hinder you or might take you away from your greater purpose. So, so many people, they just don't have this skill.

And many times they're taking on more things and they're taking on more activities and they're taking on more responsibility because they're avoiding. They're avoiding stillness, they're avoiding rest, they're avoiding maybe their limits, that maybe they don't understand what those are.

And maybe the harsh reality is that you're not doing any of it well. And yet you continue to take on more tasks because you just want to feel like you're accomplishing.

Maybe it's time to just say no and just be done with whatever it is that you're wrapped up in, or maybe there's somebody asking you more for your time or whatever. So I know this might fly in the face of the first two in giving and maybe receiving, but I would say understand when to say no.

And I can tell you this.

When I started to say no to things and I started to say no to people here at Cornerstone Wealth Services, there are some people that, number one, they're just not reasonable. Maybe they're just not able to be reasoned with. And Number two, maybe they're just not nice people.

All of our clients are both reasonable and nice people. That's who we work with, and we'd love to work with more people like that. But sometimes you just have to say no.

And sometimes you just have to put boundaries up. And sometimes, maybe setting a boundary is the hardest thing. Maybe it's the hardest thing for you in general.

So the way I say it, in life, there are two kinds of relationships. There's the kinds of relationships that you build fences around and the kinds that you build bridges to.

And you need to figure out which one of those. Each relationship is, is in order that you can be resourceful and that you can be productive. So the fourth of the.

Of the core four, the fourth element of the core four is knowing when to ask for help. Maybe this is the hardest one for you. They're all really hard to learn, but it's not failure. It's not saying, hey, look, I can't do this.

That is vulnerability. And it's not just about asking for help. It's understanding who to ask.

That's why we're going to have experts on the podcast that are experts in their field. Maybe they're a therapist who deals in the area of divorce and all that comes with that.

Maybe it's an attorney who deals with inheritances and deals with all the money matters that come along with that. There's a lot of bad information out there. And there's a. I tell you what, there's so many people that say, well, I saw this on the Internet.

I had one person who inherited a large sum of money and would ask me a question and say, well, I don't want to talk about that, but I want to talk about this. And then they would proceed to ask me questions about that and tell me what they found on the Internet. And many times it just wasn't correct.

And I politely had to say, well, that's just not how it works. And they didn't like that. So you got to consider the source.

And, you know, somebody wise once told me years ago, too, you have to consider every man's advice in light of their experience. And I would encourage you that everybody has a perspective and everybody is coming from somewhere.

So take everybody's advice in light of their experience and know who to ask for help. It's not just asking for help. You can't just go ask your neighbor about something that's going on in your marriage.

I mean, you don't want them necessarily all up in your business. So, I mean, obviously use good judgment on that. But know this. This changed. Nobody does this alone. Nobody lives well alone.

You know, one of the biggest things that's a hindrance to growth is isolation. When people pull away and they isolate themselves, it's usually a sign something's not right.

They need help somewhere, or they're struggling with a mindset. But every successful person has asked for help and the strong ones still do.

So that's what this podcast is all about, is connecting you people, is connecting you stories and ideas that are going to help you feel less alone whenever you're going through it. Yeah. Quick reminder. If you're navigating a big life change and wondering what next steps you should take, then I'd love to help.

Everybody's life is different. Your financial plan should be too.

Through one on one coaching, I can help you create a personalized plan that can help you align with your values and bring clarity to your path forward. So go to mattwilsonfinancial.com and learn more and you can book a free consultation. So that's it. Here's my challenge to you this week.

Where in your life do you need to give more? What is something that you've been unwilling to receive? What do you need to say no to?

And can you say yes to what matters and where is it time to ask for help? And you don't need to fix all of it today, but maybe just pick one of those this week and take a small step.

Take one small step in each one of those areas or just focus on one. That would be great. Thanks for joining me today on the Live well podcast. I I'm Matt Wilson.

I hope this conversation gave you something to chew on and the courage to maybe start building a better life that you actually want. If this episode helped you, please subscribe and feel free to share with somebody who you think it could help.

And if you're ready to take action, please visit mattwilsonfinancial.com and schedule a free financial consultation today. Free financial Audit and join our email list for our business Financial Coaching.

Until next time, keep showing up, keep being honest and remember to live well.